Any day at home is a great day, I love my family. A day at home also gives me time to think, it also gives me time to remember how blessed I am. Today Casey and I took the twins for pizza, ice cream and a walk followed by a dance party, we had considered going all out and taking them to sesame place, but Con slept in and we have decided to have hope and faith that he will be able to enjoy sesame place or even something as extravagant as Beaches when this is all over.
I love my family so much, I have given a lot of thought lately if I would rather trade places with someone who appears (key word is appears because we have no idea the private battle folks are fighting) to have it easier. In the last three months my family has maybe slept under the same roof 20 times, I have had to put on hold a career, that frankly defined me and that my husband and I are plotting to get me back to by the end of summer, and we have been introduced to a horrible world of childhood cancer, but through all of it I would not trade places with anyone. I got to witness a miracle two years ago when two 25 weekers, one of which (Claire) many thought would not make it 72 hours, thrive and beat all the odds. And what do I mean by thrive, early intervention evaluated Claire a few weeks ago and in every single category she was age appropriate, and by age appropriate I mean between a 2-3 year old, Claire should not be turning 2 for another 6 weeks. I also so clearly remember the night I did not think Claire would make it, I remember pleading with her, telling her I needed her and a daughter, girls were all I knew, well now I know boys, not just any boy, but an extremely special one. I do not say special lightly, Connor really is and that is why he has been chosen to fight this battle, even though my mother in law says Casey was just like him, I do not think there is another like him. He is not a self absorbed two year old, instead he shares everything and says “thank you” when anyone takes what he is offering. He can have fun by banging a hospital floor, and although he is typically the sickest kid on the floor he has a way of acting like the healthiest with his belly laugh and endless games of peek a boo. So would I trade places with someone else, absolutely not, I officially have a normal 2 year old, which is a miracle in itself, but I also have someone who was brought here to show me the meaning of life. Not everyone is so lucky and as we approach Mother’s Day I am so blessed to know him, to let him inspire me, but most importantly be the person he trusts and wants to hug during and after the pokes. Connor was given to me and Casey and to everyone as a gift, to teach us all how to take the lemons and make lemonade. Through my tears with our oncologist yesterday, she said she believed he was a fighter, like I do, she has never seen a two year old eat or maintain their weight quite like him, but more importantly she said, “that personality”, and that is exactly why we are so nervous for Tuesday, we have already had so much taken from us, spending time under the same roof, Con’s gross motor skills, our careers, but everyday we still get to see “that personality”, hear the “all dones”, “yeahs” and belly laughs all while being hugged like a monkey, now we ask for your prayers that none of this is taken away from us this Tuesday and we are given a chance to fight this monster on a level playing field!