My Sister and I Share a Heart

I thought it many times, I said it at her wedding, the greatest gift my parents ever gave me was my sister, and especially that we were so close in age.  That is why the twin thing was so amazing to me, I knew Connor and Claire would always have their built in person, the equivalent of my Megan, and frankly this is what is so heartbreaking, if Claire gets a sibling to grow up with, it will be one much younger than her, robbing her of what is one of the most amazing parts of my life.  From the beginning Megan did what was needed, not what she wanted, she would have loved to be in the hospital visiting me, her best friend who was hurting so badly, but instead, she had Claire move into her house, she cared about her development all while having an infant of her own, she literally planned activities for them everyday, she did more for Claire than I or any nanny could have done, this and what my mother-in-law did for us over the last 6 weeks with being Connor’s primary caretaker so Casey and I could get out of the house, “pretend” we had normal lives will go down as probably the greatest gifts I have ever been given.  We know we are blessed in the support system department, and while I could go on and on about Lauren, Kristin, Michelle and the rest of my core group of friends who essentially put their lives on hold every single day of the last 12 months there will be a post for you, but this one is about Meg.  Meg is the most compassionate person I know and the greatest teacher, I am not half the person she is, she is literally selfless.  Throughout this it was if Connor was her son too, she loved him so much, felt what I felt, has been there for anything I needed.  She told me she could not think of scheduling a vacation in case she was needed, she was in no frame of mind for one, instead she came to Boston, those weeks living in that apartment will be something both of us will always treasure, sure it was very hard, but let me tell you we had the best time and the memories and laughs are forever, I will always remember Jimmy sleeping in the closet, us getting yelled at for the noise in the hallways, going to the inpatient playroom, the children’s museum, music and art therapy, the aquarium, walks, and needing a stiff drink every night for surviving three toddlers with opinions, what I would give for those back aches from the exhausting days today.  The thing I have appreciated most about Meg during this journey is she trusted me, my opinion, she did not view me as negative when I was being realistic, she believed me when I would say these firsts could be lasts, in our hearts we had hope, trust me both she and I always said Connor would beat this, we were his biggest cheerleaders and I would not have put him through what I did if I did not believe he could be the one, we believed if anyone could it would be him, but in my brain and hers she knew there was always a chance, she knew based on the facts it was so important to live every moment, that is why she helped me do the crazy things, be outnumbered, take them places, and break our backs doing it, going to Fenway sticks out that was a disaster with three toddlers, but given the situation I am so happy we did, it was an amazing day.  When it came back, Meg was not surprised, she had listened to everything I had said, every study I had read, just like I was sick, Meg was too the week leading up to the scan, she had the same anxiety as I did (hers went away just like mine as soon as we heard).  When I told her this weekend, we could not believe the scan that things were progressing, that I could not stop crying, she started crying, and could not stop.  She texted me this morning, we had a very rough night told me she would be cheering both of us up, she did: 

To have the first act of kindness for Connor be from someone I love so much and be so meaningful is incredible, the families she left the cookies for need kindness as much as we do.  She also told me her first graders wil be learning about kindness, this is beyond amazing.  She also offered to move in, help us with the rough nights, while we don’t think we need it now, it is not something we are shutting down, as she is someone who is young enough to consistently go without sleep and truly help all of us survive this.  So while it is hard to believe in God when this happens to you, I am thankful to him for putting my sister in my life, I could not do this without her.

In Connor news, it is not good, we spent the afternoon in the hospital, my mother-in-law witnessed something that could be considered a siezure, so we took him in, she came, the other completely selfless person in our lives.  The doctors think it is progression, basically a slight growth (not visible on an MRI) in the tumor in the pons could impact the sixth nerve, causing the facial palsey and everything else (inability to drink, speech issues, etc.).  Tonight we started him on Tylenol, his anti-nasau meds and now anti-siezure meds, the hope is Avastin tomorrow (Friday at the latest due to weather), and we will see if things stabilize or continue to progress.  He fell asleep on the way to the hospital and got a good two hour nap in on my chest (napping is not something he tends to do) and it seemed to do him wonders, he talked up a storm on our way home, and had great visits with my parents, my sister and Brady, acting the best he has since Sunday from an engagement perspective.  He was super psyched about an early small bday present from my parents, my mom completed his chuggington set with Wilson (Claire was completely jealous and may need a set of her own) and has not put his Wilson down since, a great sign.

And lastly, to the mom from my sisters class who dropped off dinner tonight, thank you also for dropping of tulips, while you did not know these are my favorite flowers and you truly brightened my day and kitchen!


4 thoughts on “My Sister and I Share a Heart

  1. Tulips are the best flowers. My favorite too.
    I can’t talk much from the heart in person as I defensively tear up, but as we were leaving the fire station I told Megan she is the reason people want sisters. I know we only see a fraction of the ways she is there for you, yet what I see is nothing short of a soulmate.
    I know Connor is getting sicker and sicker. I pray that you all are surrounded by the support and help you need. Over the past 3 years too many prayers have been unanswered, but many have been answered & one of those answered prayers is no doubt Meg.

  2. Such a beautiful post!! My sister and I are also close in age, and like your Meg, my sissy dropped everything when Sean was diagnosed. She lives in Kansas and has two very busy teenage daughters, but she was on a plane within hours of his diagnosis, and she held me together when I thought I would fall apart. I could not have gotten through that first year without her, and she’s still the first call I make when I’m feeling scared. I can’t imagine what you are going through, but I am praying for Connor and for all of you everyday….praying for strength, praying for peace, praying for more happy memories.

  3. It is wonderful that you and Meg are so close! I have a sister who is a few years younger and we are not (and have never been close). I’ve created my own family of friends. Claire may not have a brother, but she will find a person (or group of people) that she will love and depend on. And, if she gets a younger sibling, you never know, they may be as tight as two people ever can be. Sadly, of course, no one will ever replace her twin.

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