Alert

so, so alert!  That is how I would describe Con today.  Cancer has taken so much from all of us and still has so much more to take, and this weekend it took away our ability to go down the shore, it may seem materialistic, but besides the weekend they were in the NICU is exactly what I have done almost every Memorial Day since I was three or four, I so want Normandy to be tradition and a happy place for my kids like it was and is for me.  I somehow feel like if we could just get down there we would be on the island of denial for a few hours or a day.  Casey was game to try, he knows how important the shore is to me and how much I want it to be part of how my kids grow up, he knows Claire who is bored silly with the three of us would have a blast, but hospice advised against us going (they want us to live and said so but are worried about the traffic, Meg confirmed it is crowded, over two years later the shore has returned to pre Sandy levels), so we will stay here.  It as if our angel on earth could sense this was just something else upsetting me, today he spoke, really spoke for the first time in a couple weeks, the only word, “Mama, Mama” over and over, he stayed awake all day and fell asleep just before 6, all he wanted to do today was look at me, talk to me and hug me, how can through all this he be the one making me feel better?!  For those that don’t know Con, this is him, he has been doing this for me (not the other way around) since his second day of life, he is the most amazing person I or anyone will ever meet.  Thanks for letting me be your mommy baby boy!

On a side note Aunt Allyson organized a bar class in Connor’s honor, after last week I was not in the frame of mind to be social or attend, but they raised almost $1K for Heartworks, our favorite charity just amazing!  Thank you from the bottom of our hearts to everyone who participated or donated!!!!

  

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4 thoughts on “Alert

  1. I’m so sorry you weren’t’ able to make the memories you wanted this weekend at the shore, but I thank Connor, your angel on earth, for giving you one of the most important things in life, recognition that you are the best Mama on earth!!!! I hope this can give you some peace in this time of turmoil and sadness for you. God bless this little miracle we call Connor!

  2. I get how hard not being part of this weekend is. You all are all about family and I know this weekend together at the beach is a core part of your traditions. Hugs. So happy for some hugs and mamas.

  3. So sorry you couldn’t spend the weekend down the shore, but am sure you loved the mamas and the snuggles just for YOU! Hugs and kisses and prayer for the whole Crooks clan. Xoxo Melissa

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